FATHER CLOWN
My father was a professional clown. Though we never heard him tell a joke or laugh. Guess it’d be like taking his work home.
My mother always said he was a joke of a husband.
I’ll never forget his red nose. His white face. Those red eyes. His crazy curly, multi-colored hair. That painted smile.
A grin so funny it was creepy.
The kids at school knew my father was a clown and mentioned it often. Bet they thought it was cool living with a performing fool. Thinking my life was all rainbow wigs and balloon animals.
It wasn’t.
He sometimes practiced ventriloquy at home. Making his voice come out of my mother’s mouth.
I never saw him juggle, but he told us he constantly had lots of plates in the air.
God help us if he dropped one.
He wasn’t very good at magic. Only did one trick. Make things disappear. With the wave of a hand, our favorite electronic devices, mom’s jewelry and the household silverware would vanish.
Some nights, he’d make himself disappear for hours.
His squeaking shoes woke me when he came home late at night. Terrifying me as they peeped closer to my bedroom door. I prayed tonight wouldn’t be the night he creaked open my door and sprayed me with his flower.
How big his ties looked when he loomed over me.
His words were like a pie in the face.
But much more bitter.
Once I walked in on him and my mother having sex on the kitchen table. His baggie pants drooped to his ankles.
That was the only time I heard him laugh.
I often heard my mother cry. His old jokes weren't funny anymore. They were cruel. And she was tired of being the bunt of them.
My greatest fear is following in his big, floppy footsteps. I try hard not to make a joke of my life. But it feels like a running gag. A sick joke.
All the world doesn’t love me.
So I won’t be the clown my father said I ought to be.
Right?
Don’t bother. I'm here.
Over 120 of Tom Misuraca's short stories and two novels have been published. His story, Giving Up The Ghosts, was published in Constellations Journal, and nominated for a Pushcart Prize in 2021. His work has recently appeared in Literature Today, The Unconventional Courier and Cosmic Double.